i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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