I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
