I wish my penis had an off switch
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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