so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
