Define "chronic" masturbator.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
