Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize