I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
She said her name was "party"
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
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