I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
