Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
