i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
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I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
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C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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