so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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