You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
