Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
