so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
