Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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