Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I love you. Go after that dick
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
