like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
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