4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Mom said you looked used
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
