i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
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