I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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