all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
