What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
