that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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