I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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