we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
