why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Randomize
