i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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