so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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