I just threw up on my dentist
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
