you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
