I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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