When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
