i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
someone owes me an orgasm
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
