So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
