my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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