Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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