i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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