dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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