I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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