one word: firstdatebathroomanal
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize