He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Randomize
