Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
