Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
