The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
