I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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