The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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