I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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