he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
