you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
If I die, sorry about rent.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
