I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
