mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
