I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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