there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I love having hate sex.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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