I want to stick my p in your. b.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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