Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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