I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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