apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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