I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
