Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
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