i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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