I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Randomize
