i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
PANTIES FOUND
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