M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
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The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
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It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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